If you’re like me, and growing facial hair is a lifelong struggle against whatever Beard Gods have forsaken you, you’ll be glad to know that CD Projekt RED has decided to pour a bucket of salt all over your wounds and then push you into a pool filled with lemon-juice.
Geralt, main protagonist of the Witcher series and all-around manly man, will have a beard that grows as you play Witcher 3. As time passes and Geralt passes between areas, his beard will gradually grow longer, until “[it’s] really long but it’s not Gandalf-long,” according to the developer.
This is devastating news for those people like, erm, my friend, who planned to buy The Witcher 3 exclusively for its capabilities as a Medieval Dumbledore simulator. But fear not: if you apply the free “Beard and Hairstyle” DLC to your game, you can choose your own beard (Gandalf length, maybe?), and your beard will stop growing on its own. The developers decided (rightly) that it would be bothersome to have to constantly reapply the beard that you want once it starts getting too scraggly for your tastes.
I wonder what you’ll have to do to keep your beard trimmed without the DLC? Will The Witcher 3 include a shaving minigame? Do you get scars if you do poorly at it? I have to admit that I would have a hard time taking the cutscenes seriously if Geralt’s face was covered with bloody squares of toilet paper.
You can find out for yourself once The Witcher 3 releases for the PC, PlayStation 4 and Xbox One on May 19th.