He jumps, and flies, he jumps and jumps and flies. Jump, jump, jump. Fly, fly, fly. It’s the Itchy and Scratchy show!
It’s not really, it’s our review of New Super Mario Bros. 2, which isn’t all that new, isn’t in any way super, there is a guy named Mario in it, and there’s not a single mention of 80′s superstars Bros. NSMB2 misses the point by a clear mile and offers up regurgitated ideas that lack any signs of imagination.
The biggest problem for me is the fact I’m a grown up. At 29 years of age I’ve played: Super Mario Bros., Super Mario Bros. 2, Super Mario Bros. 3, Super Mario Land, Super Mario World, Super Mario All-stars, Super Mario 64, Super Mario Sunshine, Super Mario Galaxy, Super Mario Galaxy 2, and Super Mario 3D Land. All of which follow the simple mechanic of run, jump, pick up item, repeat.
Could it be that us ‘oldies’ are now bored of the same game again, and again, and again? Yes, I think that’s precisely the case. Nostalgia only goes so far. Sonic fell victim to this and it wasn’t until Sonic Generations launched that Sega showed any understanding when it comes to pleasing the masses. Here’s the catch though, Nintendo doesn’t want to please the masses with NSMB2, they don’t care about people like us who grew up on their products and can now afford to buy them first-hand – as opposed to through our parents. They only care about kids and their parents’ wallets.
Okay, so let’s dial it back to the specifics of why I didn’t enjoy New Super Mario Bros. 2. First off, the levels have very little depth. And no, that’s not a dig about the useless implementing of the 3D. By depth I mean there’s nothing to do. There are the usual coins located at hidden/blatantly obvious spots, but that’s it. If you’ve ever played another 2D Super Mario game, then chances are you’ll have seen everything before.
Run, jump, pick up item, repeat. I couldn’t help feeling like I’d played this game before.
Boss fights are almost hilarious because of how poorly thought out they are. Halfway through a world you take on a sub-boss. The sub-boss consists of a dinosaur on a block. To kill him/them you have to hit the block, like you would any other block. That’s it! That is the sub-boss fights that plague the middle section of every world. A dinosaur on a block you have to hit. I don’t know how such a travesty was able to make it into this game. Where’s the play-testers? Where’s the quality control? Did they all sit together on a block and someone accidentally hit it?
Main bosses aren’t much better. The Koopaling fights consist of jumping on them, avoiding their spin attack, then repeating the process a further two times. There are hints of the occasional thought-or-two making it in. A battle with Ludvig involves having to shoot yourself out of a warp pipe to knock him down so you can butt-bump him. To which he responds with by launching into a spin attach, then repeating the process a further two more times.
That last sentence consisted of me writing half the idea, and copy/pasting the latter. Hey, if it’s good enough for Nintendo when it comes to boss fights, it’s good enough for me.
One aspect where New Super Mario Bros. 2 shines, albeit dully, is in the inclusion of coins - or more specifically the way Nintendo has made coin collecting a major focus. As any Mario pro (Mari-pro?) will tell you, you end the game with more lives than you know what to do with. In NSMB2 everything gives you coins, resulting in bragging rights over who has the most golden-bling, and a bucket-load of lives. One of the new power-ups adds a block to your head that results in a golden shower of coins. Likewise, passing through a golden circle turns enemies to gold. Shells now leave a trail of coin, before it’s sent speeding down a hill. There’s even gold suit variants of your favorite abilities, that again, add to your coin count.
This one aspect however, isn’t enough to carry the game. Sure, it’s nice, but it becomes worthless when held next to a sub-par game. Maybe once a sequel is released (and you just know it’s coming) the coin grabbing greed will surely add frantic-fun to four player co-op. As it stands though, it’s a hollow shell inside of another hollow shell.
I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m not in the Mario age group. Maybe it’s because New Super Mario Bros. 2 is the same old stuff again and again. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because NSMB2 isn’t that great to begin with.
If you’ve got kids who are still relatively new to the series, then this is a great starting point. It’s accessible and will surely keep them entertained for a couple of days. But for adults, not so much. It’s an empty Koopa shell of nostalgia that’s had it’s insides popped out, that few grown-ups (who get their kicks elsewhere) will enjoy. Especially at a retail price point of £29.99 or worse, the ludicrous Nintendo price point of £39.99.
If you’re after a fun Mario game, go buy Super Mario 3D Land. If you’re after more of the same, or something that requires no brain power, or perhaps you’re a die-hard Mario fan, then look no further: New Super Mario Bros. 2 is the game for you.
